After centuries of the old protagonist versus antagonist routine, eventually the mind starts to wonder why the evil warlord always obliges the hero’s request to divulge the big secret plan before killing anyone.

Or why the evil warlord’s daughter always ends up falling in love with the hero and betraying her father. Or why the hero’s most trusted sidekick never stays put when the hero tells him to, which inevitably leads to his capture and (depending on the MPAA rating) death. Why don’t these guys ever learn anything?

Apparently, I am not the only person concerned by this epidemic of ignorant movie characters. The Martha’s Vineyard Science Fiction Association, through its website Viable Paradise, has published a seemingly never-ending list of “Stupid Plot Tricks.”

The article is presented as a to do/not to do checklist for evil overlords, heroes and various auxiliary characters. For example, evil overlords should never, never label self-destruct buttons, “Danger: Do Not Push,” nor should they ever turn into snakes because, “It never helps.” And, of course, the hero’s own true love must pledge the following: “I will obtain a device that the hero can use to locate me when I, despite my best efforts, am kidnapped.”

Viable Paradise’s list, as I said before, is extremely (but in no way excruciatingly) long. With all the useful tips and how-tos for the good-versus-evil cliques out there, it’s a wonder no one has picked up on any of the tricks of the trade.

If you were planning on either becoming an evil overlord or foiling an evil overlord’s plan, then head over to Viable Paradise to brush-up on their helpful hints prior to taking action.

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