Time and time again, most of society is both appalled and entertained by the bumbling efforts of stupid criminals. Whether it’s sugar-craving idiots who robbed a candy store getting caught because they left a trail of empty wrappers like Hansel and Gretel or the dunces who had to leave their loot on the curb because it was too large to fit in their get-away Lexus.
Joseph Schexnider falls into that category but on a much more tragic and mysterious level. Schexnider was identified as the dead body found in the chimney of a bank in Abbeville, Louisiana. The weird part is he went missing in 1984 and no one knew his whereabouts since. His mother assumed he’d skipped town to avoid police looking for him because of another crime. Authorities speculate Schexnider died of starvation and dehydration.
The remains were found when the bank began a renovation project in May of this year. Oddly enough, the property owners know the body has been in there since the 1980s because the chimney was capped off then during a previous renovation to the financial institution.
No matter his intent, being stuck in a chimney long enough to starve is not the way I want to spend my last days on Earth.
