There’s absolutely nothing I love more than a crazy conspiracy. Alien abductions are real, as far as I’m concerned. The moon landing was filmed in a sound stage in Burbank. Area 51 houses the remains of the saucer crash that happened in Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947. The Great Seal on the back of the United States’ currency is a constant reminder that the country is governed by the Freemasons. Sure, the government denies it. They’ve even published an article ‘explaining away’ all the symbols that make up the Great Seal.

It all makes me laugh! Everyone knows that the more you try to explain something away with perfectly reasonable, non-crazy explanations of how all the symbols in the Seal are simple heraldry, and that famous Freemasons Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and Ben Franklin had nothing to do with the design of the seal itself. You might even explain that the Freemasons use symbols like the ones on the dollar because they predate the Ancient Scottish Rite of Freemasonry, and that there’s nothing inherently evil about the vaguely threatening giant eagle or the all-seeing eye. Puh-lease.

It’s cute what you’re trying to do, government. I appreciate the great lengths you’re going to in an effort to debunk years of wild speculation, but if I wanted perfectly reasonable explanations for the design of the dollar, I’d peel off my tinfoil hat and let the CIA beam the thoughts directly into my brain. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m running late. I have to meet Bigfoot and the frozen head of Walt Disney for brunch in the center of the earth.

I’ve never had a problem eating food from a gas station.  Just two weeks ago, I ate a couple of hot dogs purchased from a gas station.  They were delicious.  That’s not the first time I’ve eaten gas station food, and I doubt it will be the last.  There’s nothing like a fun food novelty. […]

Commissioner Roger Goodell gathered 32 NFL owners for one big question.  One of the league’s most wanderlust-stricken franchises is looking to move again.  The Oakland-Los Angeles-Oakland Raiders, tired of gutting it out in a run-down stadium, were once again looking for greener pastures.  Only the Miami Dolphins refused to cooperate.  With a vote of 31-1, […]

In 2006, an injury to Dallas Cowboys starting quarterback Drew Bledsoe opened the door for an undrafted free agent by the name of Tony Romo to take the helm of America’s Team and lead the Dallas Cowboys to an early playoff exit.  Bledsoe went from starter to afterthought in a season.  Now, the circle continues […]

For 89 years, Oscars has never had a major mistake.  The last few Oscars might have had a few flubs, but at least they never got the most important category of the night wrong.  Well, that’s now changed, all thanks to OG Bonnie and Clyde legends Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway.  When Faye Dunaway called […]

Tom Brady has been wildly successful, if controversial.  He’s the first quarterback ever to win five Super Bowls and only the second player to do so after Charles Haley.  Unlike Haley, Brady won all his Super Bowls with the same team, the New England Patriots.  The only thing that seems to be able to stop […]

Ben Affleck, no matter what you might think of him, is a talented actor and director.  He’s got the goods, but he’s smart enough to know when he’s in over his head.  All along, since he took on the mantle of Batman, he’s had his eyes on writing, directing, and starring as the Caped Crusader. […]

In May, students for the for-profit American College of Education were running into some problems.  Their access to email accounts and course information was locked down by Google, who had disabled their accounts.  The reason why?  A fired IT worker for the American College of Education locked the school out of their Google cloud account. […]