During the course of a heated argument with his girlfriend over how much time she was spending on the phone with her mother, Mark Woodward flipped out.  He is accused of going to the freezer, removing a frozen turkey the couple had received from her church, and tossing the frozen bird at her.  Now, she’s fine, as the turkey just hit her on the hip, but he’s facing a charge of assault and battery with a deadly weapon for his turkey-tossing ways.

At first, it’s funny that he’s getting charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon.  I mean, it’s a frozen turkey, not a broken bottle or machete or something.  It’s not even a hedgehog!  Then it occurred to me… a frozen turkey is what, 15-20 pounds?  Frozen solid, that’s the equivalent of a 20-pound rock.  That’s enough to do some serious damage, and he can take a cue from the old Alfred Hitchcock Presents and cook the bird, thereby getting rid of the weapon!

Tags: Dorchester, Massachusetts, man hits girlfriend with frozen turkey, domestic violence, frozen turkey as a weapon, unusual weapons, assault, Mark Woodward

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