New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, seen to your right, is probably not having a great morning. You see, yesterday, reports surfaced indicating that the less-than-honorable Mr. Spitzer has been caught purchasing hookers, as recently as last month while in Washington D.C. on what I can only assume is official government business. Really smart idea, Governor.
Did you not pay attention at all while you were Attorney General? Seriously, if you’re in a position of power and you’re going to do something illegal, here are some ground rules I’ve learned just from watching politicians screw up over the years. You, being top cop of a huge state, should’ve known better. Even Charlie Sheen knows better!
First of all, do not use checks or credit cards under any circumstances. Cash only! The importance of this cannot be overstated. Paper trails are almost as bad as getting caught in a federal wire tap.
Secondly, don’t do the dirty deed arranging yourself. Use the underlings of your underlings, go through an independent broker, and do your best not to be directly involved with the purchase of your skankalicious entertainment for the evening. Billy the intern can buy all the hookers he can afford and nobody’s really going to care, but you’re the governor. At the very least, you should have a steady mistress by now and shouldn’t need escorts to service you.
Thirdly, and this is key, don’t mix business with pleasure. I’m sure you could’ve booked a second room in the hotel with your own money under the name John Q. Ladiesman for your dalliance. If I had a prostitute come by while I was on some company trip, in the company-paid hotel room, possibly on the company’s dime, well… I’d no longer be working at that company. I doubt Gov. Spitzer will be impeached for this. Even though a normal person would’ve spent the night in jail, the powerful and rich always get a free pass.
Tags: eliot spitzer, prostitution scandal, hookers, politics
