What do toppling baseball records and dizzying new achievements in science have in common?  Well, for one thing, rampant use of performance enhancing drugs.  That’s right, kids, The Mitchell Report and The New England Journal of Medicine both contain lots of people who use drugs to boost their already preternatural performance levels to new heights, regardless of the consequences to the body and brain.  Bench pressing a Toyota and cracking the human genome are both amazing feats that normal people can’t do.  What started out as simply an April Fools prank press release about The World Anti-Brain Doping Agency spiraled rapidly out of control.

Then again, is anyone actually surprised?  I couldn’t speak for the rest of the world, but North America is very much a continent that solves all its problems with pills and potions.  Tired?  Take a pill.  Sad?  Take a pill.  Getting sick from too many pills?  Take a pill.  Why should athletes or scientists be any different from the rest of us?  We all eat pills to make us do various functions that can be causing difficulty, from defecation to copulation.

I’d be angry about all this, too; fortunately, I’ve got a pill I can take for that.

Tags: pills, prescription drugs, scientists using drugs, drug use, science, performance enhancing drugs, steroids, better living through chemistry

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