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Ultra Luxury Graves And Motorcycle Hearses

Posted 2/12/2009 10:42 am by Ron Hogan

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One thing I’ve never understood is extravagance at a funeral.  Why buy an expensive coffin you’re just going to bury?  Or have an elaborate party for the deceased when a simple viewing can provide closure for all involved?  Do you really need to be pulled to the funeral via custom motorcycle?  I can understand having an eye catching grave in some ways, but do you really need a full bar, a plasma TV, and furniture in your luxury tomb?  Unless you’re going to have visitors buried with you (or are going to have the world’s first zombie sports bar), then there’s just no reason for it other than to show off.

Call me crazy (and you wouldn’t be the first), but if I were the relative of this person being buried?  There’s no way that nice TV’s going to go six feet underground with someone who won’t have eyes long enough to enjoy it.  That bad boy would be coming home with me, as would a couple of bottles of the high-end stuff he’s got sitting at his bar.

If dearly departed Uncle Whoever is going to heaven, he’s got a much nicer TV waiting for him.  If he’s going to hell, then he’ll be lucky not to have that TV, so he won’t be forced to watch the constant stream of American Idol broadcasts Satan uses to torture people who didn’t like the Suoi Tien theme park’s animatronic hell ride.  As far as I’m concerned, when I’m dead and gone, you can take me out back and give me a Viking funeral pyre.  Feel free to fire my ashes out of a cannon, while you’re at it.

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