“I’m thinking of putting up a sign in front of the house saying ‘Beware of Air Freshener,’” said 70-year-old British man Arthur Whitehouse. You see, his can of Wilkinson’s Citrus Fresh aerosol air freshener has saved his life… for the second time. Last year, Whitehouse warded off a would-be robber by spraying air freshener in his eyes (not […]
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Beached Cow Mistaken For Polar Bear
Posted 9/21/2010 10:00 am by Ron HoganThe journey of the polar bear from the Arctic Circle to a beach near Bude in Cornwall, England was a remarkable one. Or it would have been a remarkable journey, had it been a polar bear carcass that ended up washing 2,700 miles from the polar ice to England’s shores. As it turns out, the […]
Read »Top 10 Unanswerable Questions
Posted 9/21/2010 9:30 am by Ron HoganDo blondes have more fun? Did Tony Soprano die? What is the meaning of life? Those are all good questions, but good luck figuring out an answer. If you’re the search engine Ask (or Ask Jeeves), then you’ve been asked these questions millions of times since the search engine debuted in 2000. Designed to help […]
Read »High On Caffeine, Man Strangles His Wife
Posted 9/21/2010 9:00 am by Ron HoganWoody Will Smith got up in the morning and took his kids to school. That’s the last thing he remembers from the May 2009 day in which he killed his wife. Prosecutors say Smith is a cold-blooded killer who strangled his 28-year-old wife Amanda Hornsby-Smith with an extension cord, but the defense has a different […]
Read »Laser Surgery To Remove Eye Worms
Posted 9/21/2010 8:30 am by Ron HoganA few years ago, my father had laser eye surgery to correct his vision. It’s a wonderful thing, because he went from needing incredibly strong glasses and being nearly legally blind to being able to see without glasses, which is incredible given how bad his eyesight was prior to the laser treatment. John Matthews, when […]
Read »Mascot On Mascot Violence
Posted 9/21/2010 8:00 am by Ron HoganI love it when a plan comes together. I also love it when men in giant foam rubber animal suits with over-sized heads fight one another. It goes without saying that I love the conspiracy of how and why Brandon Hanning became the Ohio University mascot. He had one good reason: Hanning simply wanted to […]
Read »Presidential Security Detail Loses Woman’s Car
Posted 9/21/2010 7:30 am by Ron HoganWhen Martena Clinton got an invitation from her friend Gardine Tiggle to attend a speech and dinner hosted by the Congressional Black Caucus, she jumped at the chance. After all, President Barack Obama would be speaking, so she knew it was something she had to see. So, she commuted into Washington D.C. from her home […]
Read »Lynyrd Skynyrd Inspiration Dies At 77
Posted 9/21/2010 7:00 am by Ron HoganIt’s the hard-rocking band with the funny-spelled name. Lynyrd Skynyrd has been a band to survive multiple tragedies and continued to tour, record, and play in spite of everything, including a straight-laced gym teacher and coach who dutifully enforced the hair-length policies at Robert E. Lee High School. He didn’t know that one of the […]
Read »Denver Broncos WR Kenny McKinley Found Dead
Posted 9/21/2010 6:30 am by Ron HoganNational Football League player Kenny McKinley has been a little snake-bitten during his NFL career, meaning that pretty much everything that could go wrong with him has gone wrong. A fifth-round draft pick out of the University of South Carolina, McKinley made his biggest impact as a kick returner, but injuries have caused him to […]
Read »Randy Quaid Arrested For Squatting At His Old Home
Posted 9/20/2010 11:30 am by Ron HoganIt’s a sign of the times and a sign of a man in the depths of some serious personal problems. Actor Randy Quaid, known as the crazy uncle Eddie in the National Lampoon’s Vacation series of movies, and his wife Evi Quaid were arrested over the weekend in a luxurious neighborhood in Montecito, California. The […]
Read »21,000 People RSVP to Girl’s 15th Birthday
Posted 9/20/2010 11:00 am by Ron HoganThe problem with social networking, and using social networks for party invitations, is that you can pretty much invite whoever you want. When 14-year-old Rebecca Javeleau wanted to invite 15 friends over for her 15th birthday party on October 7, she did what most kids her age would do: she created a Facebook invite. Unfortunately, […]
Read »America’s Perfect Teen Isn’t American
Posted 9/20/2010 10:30 am by Ron HoganAnysha Panesar is a little nontraditional for beauty pageant girls. There’s no giant mop of blonde curls, and her teeth look refreshingly Vaseline-free. Still, she’s a looker, as she’s won quite a few beauty contests in her time. Her most recent title is America’s Most Perfect Teen, which would be great if she was an […]
Read »Brooklyn’s Newest Immigrant Community: Possums
Posted 9/20/2010 10:00 am by Ron HoganThere’s a children’s song about an old woman who swallowed a fly. To solve her swallowed fly problem, she proceeds to swallow larger animals, from spiders to rats to cats to dogs and so on until she swallows enough stuff to explode and all the animals come running out of her digestive tract, presumably covered […]
Read »Woman Stabs Man Who Calls Her Feet Stinky
Posted 9/20/2010 9:30 am by Ron HoganDallas Amber Smith, age 18, was challenged. The challenge? She had to do a backflip. In order to prepare herself for the landing, she doffed her shoes. When a whiff of her pungent feet got to one of her drinking buddies, the 19-year-old man did what most people would do in that situation (after having […]
Read »Facebook Developing Mobile Phone?
Posted 9/20/2010 9:00 am by Ron HoganThe rumors are there, and they’re substantial enough that a lot of notable folks are running with them. Facebook, a huge provider of content and a master at manipulating its audience into adopting its various services, is rumored to be developing either a Facebook-branded smart phone or a Facebook-branded smart phone mobile operating system designed […]
Read »Delaware Senate Nominee Dabbled In Witchcraft?
Posted 9/20/2010 8:30 am by Ron HoganChristine O’Donnell has had to beat the odds to get to where she is today. A member of the insurgent Tea Party, she had to best the official Republican candidate for Senate in Delaware before she could even get support from her own party (and she might not even have it now). She’s got a […]
Read »Angry Dad Goes After Middle-School Bullies
Posted 9/20/2010 8:00 am by Ron HoganJames Jones has gone from simple working man to folk hero. How’d he become an icon to millions of parents? Simple, he lost his temper in an epic way. It’s a horrible example to the children, and Jones knows that, but he couldn’t take any more. After his special-needs daughter was hit, pushed, insulted, and […]
Read »Niketown Infested With Bedbugs
Posted 9/20/2010 7:30 am by Ron HoganThere’s something rotten in New York, and it’s more than just the bad attitude of the New York Giants. The city is in the grips of an infestation the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the pre-DDT days of pesticides. The problem is bedbugs, and they’re everywhere throughout the city. Worse for city officials, […]
Read »Giants Player Threw Helmet Into Stands
Posted 9/20/2010 7:00 am by Ron HoganBrandon Jacobs, at 6’4 and a conservative 260 pounds of muscle, is not the kind of guy you want angry at you. If you needed evidence of that aside from his size, his actions during last night’s NFL game between the New York Giants and the Indianapolis Colts are proof enough that the big fellow […]
Read »FDA To Consider Genetically-Engineered Salmon
Posted 9/20/2010 6:30 am by Ron HoganIt’s the final frontier in food. For years, we’ve tinkered with the food supply to produce seedless bananas, grapes, and watermelon. We’ve bred chickens to create bigger, tastier birds with more meat on their bones. We’ve bred cows to be larger, slower, and tastier. We’ve done a whole lot of interference with the food supply […]
Read »Yarr, It Be Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Posted 9/19/2010 8:00 am by Ron HoganWhen John Baur and Mark Summers looked at the calendar in 1996, they saw a lot of goofy holidays, like World Health Day and Constitution Day, but they didn’t see any holidays that were cool and, most importantly, they didn’t see any international holidays in late September. So, to remedy that situation, the two men […]
Read »Happy Constitution Day
Posted 9/17/2010 1:00 pm by Ron HoganHappy Constitution Day, everyone in the US! If you’re an American, by LAW, you’re supposed to learn something about the Constitution today on Constitution Day, which is today, September 17. (If you didn’t know anything about Constitution Day, does learning that there is Constitution Day meet the required education? I’m not sure, but we’ll say it does.) Educational […]
Read »Woman Fakes Attack, Throws Acid In Her Own Face
Posted 9/17/2010 12:30 pm by Ron HoganThe event was horrifying. Bethany Storro, a 28-year-old woman, said a random stranger she’d never met before threw a cup of acid-like liquid into her face, causing severe burns, disfigurement, and nearly blinded her. The attack was real, as are the burns and disfigurement, but the attacker is fictional. Bethany Storro threw acid in her […]
Read »Polite Bank Robber Thanks Teller
Posted 9/17/2010 11:00 am by Ron HoganMelvin Jesse Blain is what you’d call a career criminal. He just spent 46 months in jail for bank robbery, and one of the first things he does when he gets out is goes to rob another bank. Police say 31-year-old Blain walked into a Wachovia Bank branch in North Charleston, South Carolina, and asked […]
Read »Sacha Baron Cohen To Rock Out In Freddie Mercury Movie
Posted 9/17/2010 10:30 am by Ron HoganThe rock band Queen was one of the biggest (and in my opinion, best) of the giant 70’s rock bands. They filled stadiums, wrote some classic rock anthems, and were generally representative of all things bigger than life as lead by mustachioed, flamboyantly hypersexual front man Freddie Mercury. His story of how an Indian immigrant born in […]
Read »Dead Man Gets Parking Ticket
Posted 9/17/2010 10:00 am by Ron HoganNicholas Rappold, a 21-year-old from Flushing, Queens, found himself on the wrong end of the New York City Parking Authority. I imagine it’s a common mistake: he was parked on the street during street sweeping, and thus earned himself a ticket for parking illegally. There’s only one small problem: the officer who left Nicholas Rappold […]
Read »Mystery Man Falls From The Sky, Disappears
Posted 9/17/2010 9:30 am by Ron HoganWhile working at Shore Veterinarians in Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, Kelly Hale witnessed something unusual. It wasn’t something animal-related, though animals can be weird, it was something people related. According to Kelly, she and two co-workers saw a man without a parachute fall from a low-flying small airplane into the woods. Frightened, she called […]
Read »Human Skulls Make Bad Souvenirs
Posted 9/17/2010 9:00 am by Ron HoganThere are always many luggage inspectors at every airport you go to, but they’re especially vigilant when it comes to two things. One of these is carrying fruit across international lines, and the other of these is when looking for smuggled antiquities. The black market antiques trade is huge business, so no doubt that’s what […]
Read »The World’s Smallest Cow
Posted 9/17/2010 8:30 am by Ron HoganThose Guinness World Record holders are just coming out of the woodwork for the launch of the 2011 version of the famous book of factoids. First, the world’s largest and smallest dogs made a public appearance together in New York City. Now, the spotlight falls onto a diminutive Dexter cow named Swallow, the world’s smallest […]
Read »10,000 Birds Trapped By World Trade Memorial Lights
Posted 9/17/2010 8:00 am by Ron HoganThe first time I saw the Tribute Of Light, when New York City illuminates two giant columns of light using 88 powerful floodlights to create a ghostly image reminiscent of the World Trade Center as it appeared before the events of September 11, I was stunned. It was beautiful and heartbreaking. It’s still beautiful and […]
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